Can i not drive my cunt home
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing