Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."