similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I licked your asshole in confidence.