On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
