break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
