pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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