She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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