well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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