I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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