What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
