Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Alive.
So much puke
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
