The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
