Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
