thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
