the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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