Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
