i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
