My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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