I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
then he tried to convert me to islam
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
