did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize