The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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