You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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