I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
