Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Your dad touched me again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
