Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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