I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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