i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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