so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
