Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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