I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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