I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
