Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
