made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
