your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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