Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
