1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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