My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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