Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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