We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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