I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
