fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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