I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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