If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
