Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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