Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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