i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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