If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
