So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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