I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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