stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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