Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
