How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
