I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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