I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
