I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
