Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This baby is an asshole
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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