Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
