in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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