he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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