Moan for me like Helen Keller
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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