Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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