she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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