Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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