One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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